In the last installment of One and Only

In the first installment of One and Only

It was Wednesday evening, and he and Jacob were doing up the dishes. They’d whipped up a stir-fry. They were getting better at cooking together. It was one of the things they enjoyed. They’d stopped in at a bookstore downtown and assembled an array of cookbooks. The plan was to tour the world—culinary-wise. They had four nights a week they could dedicate to it.

Ethan looked at the time on his phone. Joanne would be there any minute. She was stopping by for a drink. The kids were with a babysitter. She was heading out with a group of girlfriends for the night, but she was stopping at his place first.

The doorbell rang.

Ethan looked at Jacob. “Are you ready for this?”

Jacob took a deep breath. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“All right. Let’s get this over with.” Ethan headed for the front entry and opened the front door. Joanne stood there looking incredible. She was all done up for a night out. She was wearing the perfume Ethan had always liked so much. It brought back a lot of memories.

They’d had good times together. He had loved her once.

“You look nice,” Ethan said.

“Thank you.” Joanne peeled off her coat and handed it to Ethan. She wandered toward the kitchen as Ethan hung it in the closet. Ethan caught up and went to stand beside Jacob.

Joanne was visibly impressed. Her eyebrows rose, and she looked at Ethan.

“Joanne … this is Jacob.

Jacob reached out and took Joanne’s hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “Can I get you a glass of wine?” Joanne nodded, and Jacob turned to retrieve a glass.

Ethan and Joanne went to the living room and took up places across from each other while Jacob fussed about in the kitchen. They had made appetizers as well.

Joanne leaned forward toward Ethan.

“Jeez, Ethan,” she whispered. “When you said he was gorgeous, you weren’t joking.”

She sat back as Jacob made his way into the room. He set her glass of Sauvignon Blanc down along with a tray of sweet potato crostini with prosciutto, honey-roasted figs. He and Jacob had progressed with the difficulty of the dishes they had started creating.

Jacob took a seat beside Ethan.

“This looks delicious,” Joanne said. “Who made it?”

Jacob smiled. “We did. We’re on a bit of a cooking kick.”

“I’m so glad I haven’t had dinner yet.” She lifted a napkin and took one of the appetizers. She took a bite, hummed with satisfaction, then leaned back on the sofa.

“So, tell me how you two reunited,” she said.

“We were at the same live music event,” Ethan answered.

“I was on a date,” Jacob added. “Caught sight of each other across the room.”

“It was like two damned magnets,” Ethan said. “We just snapped back together.”

“Sounds romantic,” Joanne said.

Jacob smiled at Ethan. “It was. I told him I still loved him that same night.”

Ethan laughed. “Couldn’t let him go after that. I still loved him, too.”

“Took you a while to tell me.” Jacob took a sip of his wine.

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Ethan looked at Joanne. “I had a few things I had to work out in my head. How it was going to affect the kids was top of my list. Having a new person on the scene, especially it being a man in love with their dad … I knew it might be hard for them.”

Joanne shook her head. “It shouldn’t be. Laura’s best friend has two moms.”

“I know, but that’s not their dad.” Ethan looked at Jacob. “Jacob isn’t used to kids. I knew this would be hard for him, too.” He stared at his hands. “I was also terrified to be in love with a man. This is an accepting city, but I needed to be sure I was ready for it—the stigma.”

“I’m sorry you have to feel that way,” Joanne said. “It shouldn’t be like that.”

Ethan sighed and caught Joanne’s gaze. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

Joanne leaned forward and touched Ethan’s knee. “I just want you to be happy.” She turned to Jacob. “So … what do you do for a living?”

“I’m an RN in a long-term care facility.”

“How do you like it?”

Jacob smiled. “Love it. Can’t imagine working anywhere else.”

“Family in town?” she asked.

“Not really.” Jacob furrowed his brow. “They wrote me off when I told them I was gay.”

Ethan reached for Jacob’s hand. They’d talked at length about Jacob’s feelings regarding his family abandoning him. Both his parents and his sister lived in town. He hadn’t seen them in twelve years. It was still a deep, festering wound in Jacob’s soul.

“I’m so sorry,” Joanne said.

Jacob sighed. “It is what it is.”

“Well ….” Joanne set her napkin down and rose to her feet. “I have to run. It was lovely to meet you, Jacob.” She looked at Ethan. “Whenever works for you and Jacob to introduce him to the kids, I’m good with it. I’ll talk to them first, so they know what to expect.”

“That would be great,” Ethan said as he followed her to the door. He retrieved her coat, and she kissed him on the cheek and said goodnight.

Ethan pressed the door closed.

“That went well,” he said.

Jacob trapped Ethan against the door. “It did … so now what?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Upstairs.”

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Ethan followed Jacob up the stairs to the bedroom. Their lips met, and the dance began as they removed each other’s clothes. Jacob pushed Ethan toward the bed when they were rid of them.

After the meeting with Joanne, they both needed to relieve a little stress.

“Bend over,” Jacob said. “We have more work to do on you.”

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In the last installment of One and Only

In the first installment of One and Only

It was like any other day. Jacob needed to ensure the care aides were attending to everyone who needed to be up for breakfast. Some residents liked to sleep in. That was the benefit of having the kitchenettes. The care aides could scramble up some eggs and make some toast for the late risers.

Then he’d do rounds with meds.

The thing that was different about today was that it was Monday. He’d be seeing Ethan tonight. He was looking forward to it. Ethan was going to teach him how to make a curry. Then they had a movie they both wanted to watch. Just normal stuff. Stuff couples did together.

He never thought hanging with someone like that could be so fulfilling. Of course, it helped that he was crazy about the guy. Crazier every day. And it was mutual.

They were so connected.

He just needed to get through today.

“Mr. Jacob.”

“Yes, Mrs. Carmichael?”

“How is your new boyfriend?”

Okay, he might have told anyone who would listen that he had a new boyfriend he was in love with. A boyfriend who absolutely adored him.

“He’s gorgeous and delicious. And I’ve never been happier.”

“I love—love.” She gripped Jacob’s hand. “I’m so happy you found someone.”

“Thank you, Mama.”

“Are you going to marry that lucky boy?”

Jacob shrugged. “I just might.”

“We could have the wedding here.”

“I suppose we could.” Jacob laughed. “Might be a little strange.”

Mrs. Carmichael toddled off and headed for the lounge area. She liked her programs. Soap operas. They were insufferable, but she loved them.

Jacob sank into an armchair and stared into nothingness.

He’d never said it aloud before.

That he might consider marrying Ethan. If they got to that place. Their relationship was still fresh. They had a long road ahead of them. This Monday would mark a full month since they ran into each other. Jacob had been sticking to monogamy, but he was getting fidgety.

His gay dating app had messages piling up.

The twins had been pressuring him to break his dry streak. The thought made him warm all over. Being speared at both ends, rotisserie style.

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He pushed up and out of the chair. He knew better than to start fantasizing at work. He made a point of being professional. He was serious about his job. These people needed him.

Lunch came and went. More meds. Some wound care. They had a couple of bedridden folks who needed extra care to ensure they didn’t get bed sores. Today, he treated those who were there.

Heels were a particular concern. That and the buttocks and hips. They all had alternating pressure mattresses, but sometimes that wasn’t enough.

He finished cleaning and redressing a particularly nasty open pressure wound near the tailbone of one of the residents. You had to have a strong stomach for some of his work.

Jacob collapsed behind his desk. Very soon, he would head home to get ready to see Ethan. A shower and clothing change. Out of his scrubs and into something sexy. Ethan liked when he dressed in his more revealing clothes. At home and when they were in public.

Ethan liked to show him off.

They often went out for dinner. Sometimes they went to see some live music. He’d even suffered through a game or two in the local sports bar. They had Monday to Thursday to explore each other and their favorite things. It just happened that Ethan was his utmost favorite thing.

He loved playing with him. Ethan was damned innocent when it came to sex. The things he had taught Ethan would make most men blush. Right now, they were on a toy kick.

Jacob looked at his phone. 6:45 pm. He’d be free as soon as he gave his report to the next RN taking over for the night shift. The day had been straightforward. There wasn’t much to report.

He was out of there right on time.

Showered and wearing one of his sultrier outfits, he arrived at Ethan’s. Ethan had a bottle of wine breathing on the kitchen countertop.

“So … curry. Where do we start?” Jacob poured himself a glass of wine. Ethan already had one. He wandered over to the countertop scattered with ingredients. It looked complicated.

“I have something I want to talk to you about first.”

Ethan looked as though his nerves were getting the better of him. For a second there, Jacob thought Ethan was about to do something really stupid.

“I think I’m ready,” Ethan said.

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Jacob tipped his head. “Ready for what?”

Ethan pinned Jacob against the counter and brushed his lips across Jacob’s. Jacob took the opportunity to kiss him. The dance of their lips was languid and held the answer.

“You’re giving me my freedom,” Jacob panted against Ethan’s lips.

“I love you. Just promise me it won’t impact our time together.”

“I promise it’ll be Friday and Saturday night only.”

“And you’ll phone me.”

“Long before I’m naked.”

“And then you’ll come home to me.”

“Every single time.”

His phone was already burning a hole in his pocket. The twins were first on his list. Daniel would have been second, but that would have been breaking one of their rules.

He’d slept with him before.

“Tell me about one of your dates,” Ethan said.

Jacob raised his eyebrows. “Like in detail?”

That was a twist.

Ethan took hold of Jacob’s hips, swayed them back and forth, then pressed what turned out to be a hard cock against Jacob’s now more interested one.

Jacob licked his lips. “Okay. Let me tell you about Daniel. He’s the date I canceled for you, but I’d been with him before.”

“What did you do?”

“We started with dinner. I was only allowed to have a salad.”

“Allowed?”

“Daniel likes to take charge.”

“Describe him.”

“Blond. Mid-forties. Tanned. Built like an Adonis.”

“His cock?”

“Thick and stocky.”

Ethan pressed closer and kissed the side of Jacob’s neck. “What did he do to you?”

“Took me to his house. He has a special room.”

Ethan panted in Jacob’s ear as he ground his cock against him.

“Tell me,” he whispered.

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In the last installment of One and Only

In the first installment of One and Only

There, he’d said it. Exposed his heart to the man who’d plagued his dreams. He’d carried those words around his entire adult life. Those feelings he had for Jacob. All those nights with Jacob in his arms had often brought him to tears. He had wanted to speak those words against Jacob’s skin before he kissed his neck. They had always stuck in his throat.

His heart had wanted Jacob … his mind hadn’t been ready.

He hummed against Jacob’s lips. They had locked onto each other after words of love were shared. He was ready now. His mind had caught up to his heart.

They were reluctant to pull apart.

“My kids,” Ethan whispered.

“I know.” Jacob rubbed his thumb across Ethan’s bottom lip. “Go. I’ll eat before I come over on Monday. How soon do you get home from work? I finish at 7.”

“I was going to cook.”

Jacob smiled. “Oh, you will be. But not in the kitchen.”

Ethan tipped his head. “I want to spend some time getting to know you better.”

“We lived together for nine months.”

“That was then. We’re very different people now.”

“Fair enough.” Jacob put his hand on Ethan’s chest. “I’ll let you cook me dinner.”

Ethan looked over his shoulder at the door. “I really have to go. The kids have probably torn the van’s interior to pieces. Shoes, then dinner at the mall tonight.”

“Yay.” Jacob smirked. “Sounds like a blast.”

“Story of my life.” Ethan reached for Jacob’s face. “One more kiss.”

After a quick one and an exchange of I love you, Ethan was out the door. The inside of the van looked like a granola bar had exploded. “What the heck happened in here?”

“You were taking so long, we got hungry,” Laura said. “What were you doing with that man in the crazy clothes? I’ve never seen a guy in pink pants before.”

“Just sorting out some stuff.” Ethan started the van. The mall was fifteen minutes back in the other direction. “His name is Jacob. I knew him in university.”

“He dresses weird,” Oliver said.

“You need to mind your own business,” Ethan answered as he pulled out of Jacob’s driveway. He was soon on the highway, headed back toward town. Herding kids around a mall was not his idea of a fun Saturday evening, but he had Monday to look forward to. And Sunday with the kids. Sunday was always fun. He made a point of taking them somewhere special. This Sunday was mini-golf and maybe a batting cage. Maybe the swimming pool. He hadn’t decided yet.

Life was good.

Ethan grinned as he drove.

He’d told Jacob he loved him.

Finally.

“What are you smiling about?” Laura was in the passenger seat. She was staring at him. She shoved him in the shoulder. “Seriously, Dad … you’re freaking me out.”

Ethan looked over at her. “Why? Is your dad not allowed to be happy?”

“Not unless I know why.”

Ethan huffed out a laugh. There was no way he was telling his kids about Jacob yet. Joanne needed to be told first. They’d decide together when the kids would find out their dad was in love with another man. The man in the funny … tight and sexy, pink pants.

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In the last installment of One and Only

In the first installment of One and Only

Jacob ended the call and tossed his phone onto his bed. He was glad they had cleared that out of the way. His need for an open relationship. He loved Ethan with his whole heart, but there was still some wiggle room along the sides to fulfill his sexual appetite.

He’d told Ethan the truth during their call. He just found people to be interesting. Men, more so, of course. Their little quirks in bed. Their fantasies. Their kinks. Even talking to them brightened his day. Men were beautiful—all of them. He wanted to taste them all.

Jacob rolled and grabbed his phone. He needed to cancel tomorrow’s date. And all the ones for the next three weeks at least. Tomorrow would have been interesting.

Daniel liked ropes.

He’d slept with him before. He was worth a repeat.

He’d forgotten to mention that to Ethan. That he would never sleep with the same guy more than once while they were together. He opened his messages and sent him a text.

The rules needed to be clear. That much he knew.

Jacob swiped the screen on his phone. 11:10 pm. It was still early for him. He usually didn’t fall asleep until at least three in the morning on a weekend. Unlike when they were in university, he could mess around with a guy for hours until they were both sweaty and spent.

He needed to go out.

Jacob headed for his closet. He flicked through his night clothes as he tried to decide what he wanted to get up to tonight. He was restless. Ethan was the last guy he’d slept with this week. The rest of the week, he’d felt in limbo. It had given him a chance to think about them—us.

Us.

Such an unfamiliar concept.

He arrived at what he wanted to wear. Tight pink pants and a sheer, silver top. He felt like dancing. That’s what he needed. A little innocent bump and grind.

Walking into the nightclub, the thudding bass filled his chest. Spoke to his soul. He immediately spotted a group of friends. These were his people—this was their space.

“Hey, Jacob.” His friend Mikey swooped in and put an arm around his shoulders. “Didn’t think we’d see you tonight. Thought Daniel would have you all tied up by now.”

“Bit of a snag with that.” Jacob wandered over to the bar and ordered two crantinis. He was at least that many drinks behind everyone else. “You remember that guy? University guy.”

“The one you’re still in love with?”

“He moved back to Victoria.” Jacob cleared his throat. It was annoying having to yell everything. He leaned in close to Mikey as they slipped into some seats with their group.

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“You gonna talk to him?” Mikey asked.

“Oh, no … it has gone so much further than that already.”

“How far? What on earth did you do?”

“We had the talk.”

“What talk?”

“The one I’ve never had before. The open relationship one.”

Mikey leaned back, furrowed his brow at Jacob, then shouted in his ear.

“So, you’re a thing now?”

Jacob nodded and sucked back one of his drinks.

“You don’t do things,” Mikey said, then took a sip of his cocktail. His brow was still furrowed. He shoved Jacob. “Then why aren’t you with Daniel?”

“I agreed to take a break from men for a few weeks.”

“Brutal. How are you holding up?”

Fuck off.

“I’m not a deviant. I can handle it.”

After throwing back a couple more crantinis, Jacob cruised onto the dance floor, prowled around until he found a hungry participant, and seriously invaded his personal space.

It was a dance he’d perfected.

Swaying to the music, his target placed his hands on Jacob’s hips and wandered in close behind him until his hard cock was pressed against Jacob’s ass.

Jacob leaned back into it. His cock and his chest.

He hummed as the guy wrapped his arms around his waist and ground against him. The anticipated hot breath appeared on his cheek. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Jacob’s gut clenched. He was ripe for a good fucking. But he had promised Ethan.

“Not tonight, sweetheart. I’m off the market … temporarily.”

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The guy kissed his ear. “Find me when you’re free again.” Then Jacob was alone. It was an uncomfortable feeling. He should have been heading out the door with someone.

Maybe he was a deviant.

The thought led Jacob back to the bar. Drink after drink—after drink. His friends eventually had to haul him out of there and put him in a cab. He didn’t remember much after that.

During the early morning hours, Jacob spent much of his time with his head in the toilet. So far, monogamy wasn’t looking good on him. He laid his head on the cold porcelain. Love was the only thing holding him to this agreement. Love and the stirrings of something so much deeper.

His body shook as he sobbed into the toilet.

Something so much deeper.

It was there.

And he was terrified.

When Jacob finally came to, it was three in the afternoon. His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn’t eaten in twenty hours. He fell out of bed onto his hands and knees.

The room was still spinning.

The older he got, the longer it took to recover after a night out drinking. At thirty-six, he was starting to feel like an old man. Aside from work, his life had been one long party.

Drinking and fucking. Fucking and drinking.

Why on earth was he pulling Ethan into that life? He loved the man too much. He flopped down on the floor and rolled onto his back. How his love had survived so many years apart, he wasn’t sure. Ethan was never far from his thoughts. Even when he was with other guys.

Jacob slapped his hand over his eyes. Maybe that’s why he did it—fucked his way through life. He’d been trying to wipe out his feelings for Ethan.

Now, Ethan was back in life.

He’d gotten ugly with his face in the toilet. Sobbing. His face was streaked with tears. His nose running—face mottled. All sorts of things were shifting around inside him, threatening everything he loved about his life. The excessive alcohol had brought it to the surface.

He lifted his phone and opened his text messages.

His friend Mikey would set him straight.

Jacob: “I’m in trouble.”

Mikey: “Why are you in trouble?”

Jacob: “I’ve got these weird feelings when I think about him.”

Mikey: “Like what? Stomach cramps. What?”

Jacob set his phone on his chest. He wasn’t sure how to articulate what he was feeling. It was foreign to him. He scowled and lifted his phone. His thoughts had gathered and become clear.

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Jacob: “I can see a future with him.”

Mikey: “Oh, jeez. You are in trouble.”

Jacob: “What do I do?”

Mikey: “Honestly. Run with it. We can’t keep playing the game forever.”

Jacob: “You were supposed to talk me out of it.”

Mikey: “You’re a sweet guy. You deserve a little happiness.”

Jacob: “Not sure I agree. I need to think.”

Mikey: “Sounds like you’ll have a few weeks to do that.”

Jacob: “Don’t remind me.”

Jacob tossed his phone onto the carpet. He was exhausted. But he needed to haul his ass out to the kitchen. Mac & Cheese sounded like the solution to his complaining gut.

That and a cigarette.

He clambered to his feet and stumbled down the hallway, using the walls to get him to his destination. He only made it as far as the living room sofa.

He flopped down on it, leaned back, and stared at the ceiling. He was in crisis. He fell over onto his side and looked at his phone. He wanted to do something he shouldn’t.

Don’t do it.

Don’t do it.

Fuck it.

His fingers and emotions took over.

Ethan’s contact screen.

“I need you.” And his address.

There was no answer. Ethan was probably busy with his kids. That would be a constant in their relationship. No weekends together. Jacob typically worked during the week. Aside from the occasional Saturday, he only had weekends off. How were they going to make this work?

He closed his eyes. His stomach would have to wait. He curled up and fell asleep. The sound of the doorbell and the resulting lurch toward the door were unwelcome intrusions.

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Until he saw who it was.

He could see through the glass. Ethan stood outside his townhouse door. Ethan kept peering over his shoulder at a burgundy minivan parked in Jacob’s driveway.

Jacob opened the door.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d come,” he said.

“Well, I did. Can I come in?”

Jacob looked past Ethan’s shoulder to his driveway. The van was rocking around. He had his kids with him. Jacob felt guilty in all kinds of ways for hauling Ethan away from them.

“You didn’t have to—”

“You have no idea how much I did.”

Ethan gripped the front of Jacob’s shirt and walked him backward into the front entry. Jacob groaned as Ethan pressed his back against the wall and captured his mouth.

There was so much desperation and passion in that kiss that it nearly melted Jacob into the wall. It took him a moment to recover when Ethan stepped away.

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In the last installment of One and Only

In the first installment of One and Only

Ethan hadn’t meant to be so brusque with Jacob on the phone, but things weren’t going well at work. He was starting to wonder if he’d made the right choice by taking the job. He was struggling to keep up with the workload.

No sooner did he think he was caught up than he would find another layer of tasks he hadn’t anticipated. Plus, the interruptions of so many meetings were slowing him down. He’d been ornery for days. He was looking forward to a weekend with his kids.

He reclined in his chair and opened the contact for Jacob on his phone. They hadn’t left each other on Tuesday morning with any promises or plans. His heart hammered in his chest as he toyed with the urge to send Jacob a text. It would send a clear message. That it hadn’t been just one night.

He ran his hand through his hair. If he did this … if he texted Jacob with what he was feeling in his heart, there would be no going back to a simple, solitary encounter.

That had been his plan. To rectify the wrongs of their time in university. To give Jacob the respect and warmth he deserved. Not to start a relationship with him.

That would cross the line.

Ethan sighed.

In his current mindset, he was dancing dangerously on the thin edge of that line.

He groaned—exasperated by his confusion.

He had an ex-wife. He had kids. His life after that first year of university had been as heteronormative as it came. He’d rarely looked at another guy again with attraction on his mind.

Jacob had been special.

Jacob was special.

It was more than just sex. Jacob loved him. Monday night, they had made a connection that had never been there before. His decision nearly brought him to tears. If he did this, he would be ripping his carefully constructed hetero world apart.

His thumbs went to work to that end.

Ethan: “I miss you.”

Those words sat on his screen alone for a long time.

Jacob: “I miss you too.”

Ethan’s chest rose and fell as he dragged in breath after breath. He was on the verge of panic. What on earth was he walking into? This wasn’t a game. There were hearts on the line.

Ethan: “I want to see you again.”

A simple enough thing to say, but it carried a clear message. He wanted to venture into relationship territory with Jacob. He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

Jacob: “I’d love that. When?”

That there … that was the problem. When? He’d given up on dating back in Ottawa. Between his job and the kids, he had very little energy to devote to anyone else.

Ethan: “I’m not sure right now. Can I get back to you?”

As soon as he sent the message, he wished he could take it back. He realized he was scared. This would be a real step … to see Jacob a second time. This wouldn’t be a chance encounter. Any meeting they had from now on would be a date. He’d be dating a man.

Jacob: “Sure. Whatever.”

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Ethan closed his eyes. Jacob was pissed off. And he should be. He didn’t deserve to be blown off like that. He had promised Jacob he would try to be gentle with his heart. He hadn’t done that.

Ethan: “I’m sorry. This is hard for me.”

Jacob: “You won’t be alone.”

Ethan: “I know.”

Jacob: “Monday night? We can go out for dinner.”

Dinner and then what? That’s what scared him most. Not just a relationship with a man. A sexual relationship. He scrubbed his lips with his hand. It’s what he wanted.

Jacob in his arms.

Jacob gasping and sighing beneath him.

Jacob’s love.

Ethan: “Monday works. My place. I’ll cook.”

Jacob: “8?”

Ethan: “Perfect.”

There was a long pause. Maybe the conversation was finished. Ethan was about to set his phone down and launch back into work.

Jacob: “I still want to hear your voice tonight.”

Ethan smiled. That he could do. He wanted to hear Jacob’s voice, too. He sensed the cheery, upbeat Jacob from university no longer existed. He had a lot to learn about this new man.

Ethan: “It shouldn’t be too late.”

Jacob: “I’ll be curled up in bed waiting.”

Ethan’s eyebrows rose. That could mean any number of things. Maybe Jacob was tired and had planned on going to bed early. He shifted in his chair as his cock thickened. That’s not what Jacob meant. He wasn’t sure how to answer. He’d never made that kind of call before.

His life had been sheltered. After Jacob, aside from a few girlfriends in high school, Joanne had been it for him sexually. He’d never done the phone sex thing.

Ethan went to his door and pressed it closed. He sat back behind his desk.

Ethan: “Will you be naked?”

Jacob: “Do you want me to be?”

God. His cock was straining and hard. An ache spread through his gut. His appetite for this man was as strong as it had always been. In university, it had been agonizing waiting for midnight to roll around each night. Waiting for their time alone.

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Ethan: “Yes. I want you naked.”

Jacob: “Will you be?”

Ethan: “Yes.”

Jacob: “Will you touch yourself for me?”

Ethan: “God, yes.”

Jacob: “What about now? Are you alone?”

Ethan looked at his door. It was lunch hour. Most of his coworkers would have headed to some restaurant or another. The office should be almost deserted.

Ethan: “I can be.”

He leaped to his feet and locked his door. He dropped back into his chair and struggled with his belt and pants. With very little space to maneuver, he slipped his hand onto his bare cock.

A ripple of desire rushed through his body.

Jacob: “Are you holding your cock?”

Ethan: “Yes.”

He was doing his best to type with one hand.

Jacob: “Are you thinking about me?”

Ethan: “Always.”

Ethan licked his lips. That had given away too much, but right now—he didn’t care.

Jacob: “Stroke it for me.”

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In the last installment of One and Only

In the first installment of One and Only

The house was a quaint, renovated Victorian. Indicative of the area. Expensive as hell. Ethan had to be doing well for himself. Right now, though—Jacob didn’t care about any of that.

Tonight’s date had brought to his attention that a good-looking guy was staring at him. Todd had wanted to know if they’d dated in the past. It had taken Jacob half a second to recognize Ethan.

Brawny and broody. His dark blond hair was shorter than he remembered. He’d looked fidgety. Everything about him brought on a rush of sorrow—and anticipation.

Jacob’s drumming heart had drowned out every other sound in his head. He’d long since resigned himself to the fact that he would never see Ethan again. And yet—there he was.

He’d been drawn straight to him. Compelled to touch his shoulder.

He was so glad he had.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Ethan whispered against Jacob’s lips.

Ethan took Jacob’s hand and guided him up the stairs to the primary bedroom. The room was full of boxes. Some empty—some full.

But the bed was made.

With all the odds stacked in his favor, Jacob never would’ve bet he’d end up in Ethan Cornell’s bed tonight. It was supposed to be another boring Monday. A dry, incompatible date that was an obligatory formality for what was really a hookup. Another in a long line of them.

Jacob stripped off his clothes and stared at the bed.

He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Were they going to fall into old patterns? Hands and knees, impersonal fucking. His gut twisted. He couldn’t stand that—to be that distant.

Ethan ditched the rest of his clothes, climbed into bed, and flipped back the covers on the side of the bed where Jacob was standing. “Jacob. Are you getting in?”

There was a nervousness clouding Ethan’s eyes.

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This was a big deal for both of them.

Jacob exhaled the breath he’d been holding and joined Ethan in bed. They stared at each other until it became almost uncomfortable.

“Ethan,” Jacob whispered. “What are we—”

“We’re here together.” Ethan crept toward Jacob and pressed him into the bedding. Ethan’s thick, dark chest hair tickled Jacob’s smooth pecs. Jacob ran his fingers through the furry offering.

So much had changed. So much time had passed. So much time wasted.

They weren’t in university anymore.

Ethan’s lips met his—supple and warm. Soft kisses, Ethan’s gentle hands roaming. Such tenderness. They had never engaged in such unhurried passion before. They had been all about having their needs met. The affection in this bed right now—was stunning.

Ethan groaned as he kissed Jacob. His hands weren’t satisfied with one position. There was a subtle shift in their emotions. Jacob could feel it in his gut.

Ethan released his mouth and hovered above him, gazing into his eyes as he stole small kisses. He brushed his fingers through Jacob’s hair. “I’m going to make love to you,” he whispered.

Jacob’s chest rose and fell, desperate to draw any significant breath. Tears pinched the corners of his eyes. That’s exactly what he needed from this man. To feel revered—and loved.

“Tell me what feels good,” Ethan said, then turned Jacob’s head and kissed his neck. More gentle kisses traveled down Jacob’s neck to his collarbone.

Jacob smiled. “There. Just like that … but lower.”

Ethan smirked and laughed. “Challenge accepted.” He licked a line down Jacob’s chest to his belly with his tongue. Jacob raked his hands through Ethan’s hair. He closed his eyes, mouth open, and tipped his head back as Ethan’s mouth encased his lengthening cock.

“I thought you hated that,” Jacob whispered.

Ethan sucked him from root to tip and hummed like he’d been eating an ice cream cone. He took over with his hand and stroked Jacob’s cock. “I lied.”

“Anything else you lied about?”

Ethan climbed back up Jacob’s body. “That I didn’t want to kiss you back then.”

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That statement was capped by a mind-decimating kiss that left Jacob grasping for any hold on reality. Ethan had never given him reason to suspect he wanted to kiss him in the past. Aside from the kiss on the base of his neck each night, they’d never even come close.

Jacob wrapped his arms around Ethan’s neck and held him against his mouth. Ethan didn’t need any extra encouragement to increase the pressure. They were lost in each other.

Open mouths seeking, tongues exploring, discovering what they had missed out on all those years ago. Ethan shifted his weight and placed himself between Jacob’s legs. The weight of the grown man, their cocks pressed together—the whole picture wiped away every memory of the detached positions they had used in the past. This was them now. Intimate—intense.

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In the first installment of One and Only

Ethan started at the left side of the kitchen and flicked open every single door, looking for the plastic sandwich holder with purple stripes. He was going to be late for the first day of his new job, but his daughter would refuse to eat her sandwich unless it came in that container.

It was hectic, unpacking from the recent move, and keeping track of the kids for the weekend, but his ex-wife, Joanne, would be there to pick them up for school any moment now.

She had the bigger job when it came to unpacking. She had the kids all week. They shared custody, but he only saw the kids on weekends. His duties typically included ferrying kids to soccer games and sleepovers and hosting pizza nights. Her house contained most of the kids’ belongings.

He slammed the last cupboard door closed.

Fuck.

He checked the dishwasher.

Nope.

Ethan couldn’t believe he was back in Victoria after so many years away. The change was a good thing. Eleven years working as a lawyer for the federal government in Ottawa had nearly burned him out. When his ex-wife had announced she was moving back home for work, he’d jumped at the chance to follow her. He needed a change, and he’d wanted to stay near his kids.

His new position was as the Senior Legal Analyst for the provincial government in the office of the police complaint commissioner. His job would be to oversee and monitor complaints and investigations involving municipal police in British Columbia under the Police Act.

When he’d told Joanne he’d landed his dream job, she had rolled her eyes. She had never understood what he saw in such dry, tedious jobs—her words. For the federal government, he’d been working with criminal and social policies. He had thought it was interesting stuff.

“Dad!”

“Yes, Oliver.” Ethan squatted to be at eye level with his son.

“Can’t find my shoes.”

Ethan scrubbed a hand across his face. They could be anywhere. He’d asked the kids to put the shoes they were most likely to wear into the front hall closet. It probably hadn’t been done. At the ages of eight and twelve, the brother-sister duo weren’t good listeners.

“Where did you see them last?”

Oliver furrowed his brow. “On my feet.”

Ethan sighed. “Not helpful.” He rose to his feet and headed for the front hall. They were likely piled up by the front door. He dug around. Sure enough, that’s where they were.

“Oliver … seriously.” He tossed them onto the floor at the foot of the stairs. “Put them on. Your mom is going to be here any second.” He looked up the stairs. “Laura … you coming?”

Laura came thundering down the stairs. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt emblazoned with the latest popular logo, but she had a handful of clothes in one hand.

“What are those for?” Ethan asked.

“I don’t know what to wear.”

“Does it really matter?”

“Dad … this is grade seven.”

One hand went to Laura’s hip, and her voice turned condescending. “I’m not in grade two like Oliver. I’m not a little kid anymore. It matters what I wear.”

Ethan smirked.

Well … she had certainly told him.

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Laura had changed so much in the last two years. From a giggly little girl playing with pink ponies to the beginnings of a young woman.

“I think the outfit you’re wearing looks nice.”

Laura sighed and rolled her eyes. “What do you know? You’re a boy. I need Mom.”

“She’ll be here any minute.”

On cue, Joanne knocked on the door. Ethan was glad to swing it open and see her face. She was a beautiful woman. Intelligent—caring. And so good with the kids.

But it hadn’t been enough.

They just weren’t compatible. They had met in their final year of university in Kingston, Ontario, and were married soon after when Joanne announced she was pregnant.

They’d been way too young to launch into a life together. They hadn’t had any idea who they were yet or what they wanted from life.

The divorce was in its fifth year.

They were still good friends.

“Are they ready?” Joanne closed the door behind her. It was a bit cool out. November usually brought cold rain and wind to the west coast of Vancouver Island. They’d been getting off easy.

“Just figuring out the lunch situation. Sandwiches are made.”

Joanne held up the plastic container Ethan had been looking for. “Does this help?”

“Oh … thank God.” Ethan grabbed it from her and finished packing the lunches. By the time he arrived back in the front hall, the kids were ready to go. Passed off for another week.

Kisses and hugs were dolled out to the kids. After they left, Ethan leaned against the closed door. He placed his forehead on it. Tonight, it would be all about Daddy. There wasn’t much happening on a Monday night, but a small theatre/lounge downtown offered reliable entertainment. He’d checked the schedule. This evening: a trio of musicians who took contemporary pop music and turned the songs into heavy rock renditions.

It would either be horrendous or an absolute riot.

Either way, he was going.

Ethan’s first day of work came to an end. He was exhausted. Almost tired enough to keep him in for the night, except he had no choice regarding his plans. He’d told a few people in his new office what he was up to tonight, and they had jumped on board, wanting to join him.

They were a friendly bunch, his immediate coworkers. Everyone had been incredibly helpful in guiding him through the computer systems. Everything was new to him. He’d spent most of his day going over his list of job duties and trying to find the files on his computer associated with those tasks. And how to fill them out. A massive learning curve was an understatement.

He was placing that far behind everything in his mind for the night.

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The entertainment venue was in a quaint part of downtown. Lots of original buildings. Brick and stone structures from the 1800s. It was possible that the venue they were going to was only a few years older than that. You had to climb a set of well-worn stairs to get to the stage area.

They found a table halfway back from the action. There were four of them. Two women. One guy. And him. It looked like they were on a double date.

Ethan settled into his seat and ordered a drink when the server came by. He’d taken a cab. He wasn’t too worried about having a few tonight. Anything to relax him.

Waiting for the band to start, he looked around the room. You never knew. He grew up in Victoria. Chances were, he might know someone. One face caught his attention. He had almost passed over him. He looked so different from the last time he’d seen him.

Mature—refined.

His breath caught.

Jacob.

He couldn’t take his eyes off him.

On the last day of term in their first year, he’d let Jacob know he planned to head to Ontario to finish his degree. That he was packed and heading out that afternoon.

The usual cheery light had gone out in Jacob’s eyes. He’d hurt Jacob by not telling him earlier. They’d spent their last night together without Jacob knowing it would be their last.

The guilt of that night had stuck with him.

If he closed his eyes, he could still feel Jacob’s body backed up against his.

Could feel Jacob in his arms.

Ethan took a sip of his drink and shifted his chair so Jacob wouldn’t catch sight of him. He didn’t need to go there tonight. That had been sixteen years ago. So much had changed.

Jacob probably wouldn’t even recognize him.

That theory was proven wrong.

A hand touched his shoulder. “Ethan?”

Ethan almost tilted his head to place his cheek on that hand. To feel its warmth. To have it caress his skin again. He turned in his seat instead. “Oh my god … Jacob?” He rose to his feet and clapped his hand on Jacob’s back. “What a rush. How are you doing? It’s been years.”

Jacob nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a few. How have you been?”

“Busy.” Ethan fake laughed. “Career, marriage, kids. You know. The whole thing.”

“You got married.”

“Straight out of university. Two kids. Crazy times. Didn’t work. We’re divorced now.”

Ethan knew he was babbling, but Jacob was making him nervous. His soft grey eyes studied him. His exquisite lips were poised to speak. Ethan’s heart fluttered. It was a regret … that he had never kissed those lips. “Just moved back here from Ontario,” Ethan prattled on.

Jacob’s eyes brightened. “Oh?”

“Followed the ex-wife. Wanted to be near the kids.”

“Wife.”

Ethan looked toward the table Jacob had been sitting at. There was a guy there who looked a bit perturbed by Jacob’s absence.

He looked back at Jacob, who was staring at the guy. There was a bit of a silent back and forth between them. Then Jacob winked and smiled at his tablemate.

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For fuck’s sake.

He was on a date.

Jacob was gay.

“Yes, my wife,” Ethan said finally, his ears burning at the realization he’d been sleeping with a gay guy for all those months. “What did you expect?”

Jacob shrugged. “Don’t know. Wasn’t sure.”

Ethan was very aware that his coworkers were likely half-listening to his conversation with Jacob. The last thing he wanted to do was give away the fact that he’d had an intimate relationship with the man who had approached their table. He needed to get rid of him.

“Well ….” Ethan nodded. “It was nice running into you.”

Jacob sighed and gave him that look he always used to give him when Ethan snuck back out of Jacob’s room. It used to tear at him then … it still did now.

“Was it?” Jacob asked. “Nice?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

What the hell, Jacob?

Ethan lowered his voice to a whisper. “What are you doing?”

Jacob cocked his head to one side. “Trying to determine if you deliberately turned your chair away from me because you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I didn’t even see you.”

Jacob exhaled. “My date caught you staring at me.”

Okay, fine.

“I wasn’t sure it was you.” Ethan crossed his arms. “You look different.”

“Leaving someone behind for years does that.”

Ethan looked at his coworkers. They were doing their best to covertly listen to the conversation while keeping up a work-oriented discussion.

“Can we take this somewhere else?” Ethan asked.

Jacob shrugged, wandered over to his table, grabbed his coat, leaned down, whispered something in his date’s ear, then headed for the stairs that led down to the outside.

Ethan mumbled that he’d be right back to his co-workers and followed Jacob down the stairs. Once out on the sidewalk, Jacob lit up a cigarette. It caught Ethan by surprise. Jacob hadn’t smoked in university. It made Ethan uncomfortable to think Jacob would taste like cigarettes.

If you what … kissed him?

Jacob leaned against the wall of the building. Ethan joined him and took up the space of the wall beside Jacob. “I’m sorry,” Ethan said and reached for the burning cigarette in Jacob’s hand. Who was he to judge? He was known to have the occasional smoke. Right now, he needed one.

“For what?” Jacob’s fingers lingered on Ethan’s as he handed the cigarette over. They were soft and tentative—but familiar. Those fingers had often been wrapped around his cock.

Ethan brought the cigarette to his lips. The filter was damp from Jacob’s mouth. If he concentrated, he could detect the slight taste of scotch he’d left behind.

“I’m sorry for not telling you earlier that I was leaving.”

Jacob shook his head. “You should have. You have no idea what that did to me.”

“It haunted me … the look on your face.”

Jacob smirked, then took the cigarette back. “Good.”

“Part of me was glad I was moving away. Ending it.”

“Just part of you?”

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Ethan looked at Jacob. His profile in the dim light was enticing and so damned comfortable. The emotion filled his gut. “The other part of me never wanted to leave your bed.”

“Fuck, Ethan.” Jacob pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Don’t tell me shit like that. You have no idea. You have no idea how I felt about you.”

Yes, I did.

He knew Jacob had been in love with him. That’s why he had decided to move away. To start fresh. It was too real what was happening between them. It wasn’t the life he saw for himself. What had started as a bit of harmless fun had turned into something serious.

Tonight. He wasn’t sure where he stood. So many emotions were resurfacing. He couldn’t stop himself. He wasn’t done spilling what he was feeling.

“I still dream about holding you,” Ethan said.

The words had seeped up from his soul. Jacob needed to hear them. To know he had never forgotten him and their time together. That what they’d shared had been special to him.

“Fucking hell.” Jacob looked up at the sky, took a draw off the cigarette, then released the smoke into the air. “Why are you telling me this? You don’t get it … I loved you, Ethan.”

“I know.”

Jacob spun and shoved Ethan. “You knew? You fucking knew!” He pitched the half-smoked cigarette to the ground. “And you just left me? Knowing you were breaking my heart?”

“I had to. It was for the best.”

“Best for who? You? Sure as hell wasn’t best for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that.” Jacob stormed off a short distance down the sidewalk, then came back. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I wanted you to be mine.”

Ethan shook his head. “That wasn’t going to happen.”

“Right.” Jacob raised one hand in the air. “Because you’re straight.”

“And you’re not.”

Jacob lowered his hand. “Never was.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“That I was gay?” Jacob coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, that would’ve gone over well.”

“It would have explained a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

Ethan reached out and held onto Jacob’s arm to keep him still. “Like why you looked at me the way you did.” He stepped in closer to Jacob. “And why you’re still doing it.”

It was still there—the love.

He could see it in Jacob’s eyes. Every argument left Ethan’s mind. He couldn’t fight this any more readily than he could stop his next breath from happening.

Jacob stepped in close, cupped Ethan’s face, and brought their foreheads together. “I never stopped loving you.” His breath whispered across Ethan’s lips.

So close.

This felt so right.

“I know,” Ethan whispered.

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He raked his hand into Jacob’s hair and tipped his chin, breaching the chasm. Their lips touched for the very first time. Ethan sank into the depths. It was like warming up in front of the hearth after being out in the rain for years and years. He wouldn’t need his umbrella anymore.

A few people pushed past them to reach the entrance of the venue. Jacob pulled away from Ethan. He clung to Ethan’s coat to keep him close. “My date.”

“He’s not your boyfriend, is he?”

Jacob shook his head. “No. First date. It wasn’t going well.”

“You wink at guys it’s not going well with?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong.” Jacob laughed. “I was still going to take him home.”

Ethan’s chest tightened. The thought of another man’s hands on Jacob heated an element of anger and intense sadness in him. Anger that Jacob had spent the past sixteen years lying with countless men. And the sadness. He couldn’t be sure, but Ethan suspected he had been the first person to ever touch Jacob. There had been an innocence and sweetness about him.

Now that was gone.

“Is that woman in there your date?” Jacob asked.

“No. Just a co-worker.”

“So … nothing happening there.”

Ethan snuck another quick kiss. He savored the feel of Jacob’s lips before prying himself away from them. “Not a damned thing.”

“In that case … I’m cold.” Jacob stepped away from Ethan. “Your place or mine?”

Ethan’s heart tripped and thudded blood straight to his cock. It was a need he hadn’t quenched for a very long time. Sixteen years to be exact. Jacob had been the only man he’d ever slept with.

“I’m in James Bay,” Ethan said.

“I’m in Langford.”

“That decides it. My place is closer.”

“No kids there?”

“Not during the week.”

Jacob wandered back into Ethan’s embrace. “Do we go back inside … make excuses?”

“I’m happy enough texting. Stomach bug.” Ethan played his fingers across Jacob’s bottom lip, then kissed him.

He couldn’t get enough. So much wasted time. He’d been so cold to Jacob back in university as he tried to keep things casual.

On the rare occasion when he didn’t hold Jacob afterward, he often left Jacob’s bedroom feeling sick to his stomach.

The need to hold him and kiss the back of his neck came from deep in his gut. He’d pushed it way down, the emotions.

“I need you to promise me something,” Jacob said after he broke free.

“I’ll do my best.”

Jacob sighed. “Please be gentle with my heart. My love for you is still in there.”

Ethan cupped Jacob’s face and brushed his thumb across his cheek.

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“I can’t promise you that.”

Jacob exhaled. “Promise me you’ll try.”

He wasn’t sure what to say. Of course, he didn’t want to hurt Jacob, but he had no idea where this was going between them. It might end tonight. There was only one thing he could promise. “I can promise it’ll be different. What we had in university should have meant so much more.”

“Then I’ll hold onto that.” Jacob took Ethan’s raised hand, still on his cheek, turned his face, and kissed Ethan’s open palm. “Take me home.”

They had to walk a few blocks into a busier area of the city to find a cab. The short ride to Ethan’s house was quiet. It gave them time to send their text messages, to extend their apologies.

They pulled up outside.

The exterior of Ethan’s house was dark. He’d forgotten to turn on the exterior lights. He wasn’t even sure where the switches were to do so. Day four of being in the new house. He wasn’t sure where anything was. He managed to flick on the front hall lights as they made their way inside.

They ditched their coats on the stairs.

“Wow … you really did just move in,” Jacob said. “Or are you just messy?”

Ethan laughed. “Only been here a few days. The kids had their first day at school today. My eldest, my daughter, Laura, was obsessing over her clothes this morning.”

He was doing it again. Rambling on about his life.

His nerves were getting the better of him.

In the full light of the front hall, he could see how gorgeous Jacob had become since he saw him last.

He’d always been attractive. But now—he was breathtaking. Dark blond, short sides and long on top—his hair had a habit of falling forward and covering one eye. Ethan gravitated toward Jacob and stroked the short, bristly hair on his jawline. The overnight growth look suited him.

Jacob swept him up and descended on his mouth. Ethan moaned with each kiss, not fully believing Jacob was there with him. He wrapped his arms around Jacob and gripped and caressed Jacob’s back. The thin, wiry frame from university had been left far behind.

Jacob’s back was broad and muscular.

Each kiss dove deeper.

The world disappeared around them, and Ethan relaxed.

It was just them again.

Jacob hooked his hands under the bottom of Ethan’s shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He tossed Ethan’s shirt at the stair banister.

They were really doing this.

The story continues …

Sixteen years ago, Jacob fell in love with his best friend—and lost him.

Now Ethan is back. Older. Divorced. Still dangerously magnetic. Jacob has spent years trying to forget that first heartbreak in the arms of other men, but one look at Ethan and the past comes rushing in.

Ethan once ran from feelings he didn’t know how to face. A straight man wasn’t supposed to want his best friend. Now, with a failed marriage and children to protect, risking his heart feels reckless.

When Mateo enters their lives, desire turns complicated and second chances grow fragile. Can Jacob and Ethan reclaim the love they once lost—or will adding a third man be the thing that finally breaks them?

Jacob slammed his Human Anatomy textbook shut and nearly threw it at the wall. His eyes were stinging, and he needed more coffee. The lack of proper sleep was wearing him down, but he had to pass his next exam. Burning the midnight oil had become the norm.

He was almost finished his first year of his BSc in Nursing at UVIC in Victoria, BC, on Vancouver Island. It was his dream to work in one of the local emergency rooms someday. He had to keep that in mind.

That and the forthcoming end of term. Summer would soon be here, allowing him to work more.

He needed the money.

Typically, Jacob struggled throughout the school year to pay for his rent and food. Trying to work, go to school, and study required tremendous time-management skills. He wasn’t like other students whose parents had paid their way. This venture was all on him.

Problems for another day.

Right now, he had to figure out how he was going to cram all the information he was reading into his head for next week’s midterm exam. The test was worth half his mark.

A knock at his door shifted his focus and made him smile.

It was midnight. It would be Ethan.

Ethan cracked the door open, slipped into the room, and pressed the door closed as quietly as he could. “You ready for a break?”

Jacob rose to his feet, wandered over to his bed, and stretched out on the bedding. He settled a pillow behind his head. “Absolutely.” This was the time of night he longed for.

12 am—their alone time.

Ethan grinned. “Good. I’ve been aching for you for the past hour.”

“Are the other guys asleep?”

“There’s no one in the living room or the kitchen. I checked.”

Jacob sat up and stripped his shirt off. He threw it onto the floor. Ethan’s shirt soon joined his. This was a nightly routine. Study their brains out … then fuck them out.

That was the agreement.

Simple.

Jacob had met Ethan when he first moved into the split-level, turned boarding house at the beginning of the school year. They shared the house with four other guys. Three bedrooms up—three down. Jacob’s bedroom was in the basement. Ethan’s upstairs.

The sex … it had all started when they’d decided it was a good idea to watch porn in Jacob’s room one night about four months back. Their hormones and libido had taken over, and they’d ended up jerking each other off. Things had progressed from there.

It was a casual arrangement.

Jacob had never been with anyone sexually before. Ethan had loads of experience—with women. Or so he said. He seemed to know what he was doing. Jacob hadn’t told Ethan he was a virgin the first time they’d touched each other. He was twenty. It was embarrassing.

Ethan pushed Jacob over onto the bed and went to work on Jacob’s pants. He soon had them hauled off Jacob’s hips down to his ankles. Jacob shuffled the bunched pants and underwear off his feet. His heart thundered in his ears. Ethan towered above him, breathing hard—anxious to take him. Ethan stroked Jacob’s stiffening cock a few times before attending to his own pants.

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Jacob rolled onto his hands and knees. They would take turns, but he was always the first to be fucked. A drawer opened and closed, some ripping and squirting noises, then Ethan’s sheathed and lubed cock pressed between the cheeks of his ass.

Ethan would take it slow until Jacob’s body adjusted. They’d watched a bit of gay porn to make sure they were getting it right. They’d decided it wasn’t the best resource.

Those guys could fuck each other for an hour.

He and Ethan rarely lasted ten minutes, but it was enough to make Jacob feel stretched and full for hours after. Ethan held Jacob’s waist and slid home.

Jacob groaned as quietly as he could. It would be hell if the other guys in the house found out about them. At least two of the guys were adamant homophobes. They’d never understand that what he and Ethan were doing was just a way to relieve a little stress.

He gripped his pillow and set his arms to steady himself as Ethan hammered into him. He closed his eyes and rode the wave of pleasure flooding through his body. As soon as Ethan came, they’d switch places. He stroked his cock to make sure he was ready. Sometimes he would cum before it was his turn … just from the feel of Ethan’s cock dragging back and forth over the gland they’d learned was there. Ethan had made a point of figuring out how to do it. Altering his angle until Jacob cried out that he had it right. Yeah, right there.

Ethan didn’t so much like being fucked.

That’s why he had made the effort to learn about cumming hands-free. Or encouraged Jacob to jerk off while he was being fucked.

Ethan was irrefutably straight.

This was a kick for him. A walk on the wild side while he was in university.

A time to experiment. Have a bit of fun.

He had no idea that Jacob’s feelings had been growing for him for the past few weeks. As a closeted gay guy, Jacob would never even dream of bringing up his emotions with Ethan.

“Jacob …,” Ethan whispered, then grunted and came. He gripped Jacob’s hips and pumped slowly into him until his body was spent. He patted Jacob on the back. “Did you cum?”

The fact that Ethan hadn’t noticed if he came or not left Jacob overwhelmed with despair. Ethan wasn’t in tune with him at all during their nightly visits. They’d never even kissed. Ethan had tried to give him a blowjob one time, but he’d hated it. He had no trouble with Jacob giving him one, though. Sometimes Jacob preferred it to bottoming for him.

Jacob sighed.

There was no real connection between them other than the physical one.

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Sure, they were friends out in the real world. Many hours had been spent talking, cooking together, playing video games, watching TV, and throwing a football around outside.

Truthfully, they were just good roommates.

At least from Ethan’s perspective.

Jacob lay down. “I’m good.”

Ethan slipped off the condom, tied a knot in it, tossed it in the direction of the garbage pail, and flopped down beside him. “You sure? I could jerk you off.”

Jacob shook his head.

“Okay.” Ethan placed his hand on Jacob’s stomach and tugged at him. “Come here.”

Jacob shifted his body until his back was up against Ethan’s chest—ass to his groin. This here—this was the thing they did that brought warmth to the experience—cuddled afterward.

He breathed into the kiss Ethan placed at the base of his neck. Ethan hugged Jacob to him with his smooth, muscular arm. Sometimes they would fall asleep like that.

That always led to panic in the morning. Making up some kind of reason why Ethan was downstairs at that time of day. But for now, Jacob was going to soak it in.

The closeness.

Jacob gripped Ethan’s hand and closed his eyes.

He’d done the stupidest thing.

He’d fallen in love with Ethan Cornell.

The story continues …