In the first installment of One and Only
Ethan started at the left side of the kitchen and flicked open every single door, looking for the plastic sandwich holder with purple stripes. He was going to be late for the first day of his new job, but his daughter would refuse to eat her sandwich unless it came in that container.
It was hectic, unpacking from the recent move, and keeping track of the kids for the weekend, but his ex-wife, Joanne, would be there to pick them up for school any moment now.
She had the bigger job when it came to unpacking. She had the kids all week. They shared custody, but he only saw the kids on weekends. His duties typically included ferrying kids to soccer games and sleepovers and hosting pizza nights. Her house contained most of the kids’ belongings.
He slammed the last cupboard door closed.
Fuck.
He checked the dishwasher.
Nope.
Ethan couldn’t believe he was back in Victoria after so many years away. The change was a good thing. Eleven years working as a lawyer for the federal government in Ottawa had nearly burned him out. When his ex-wife had announced she was moving back home for work, he’d jumped at the chance to follow her. He needed a change, and he’d wanted to stay near his kids.
His new position was as the Senior Legal Analyst for the provincial government in the office of the police complaint commissioner. His job would be to oversee and monitor complaints and investigations involving municipal police in British Columbia under the Police Act.
When he’d told Joanne he’d landed his dream job, she had rolled her eyes. She had never understood what he saw in such dry, tedious jobs—her words. For the federal government, he’d been working with criminal and social policies. He had thought it was interesting stuff.
“Dad!”
“Yes, Oliver.” Ethan squatted to be at eye level with his son.
“Can’t find my shoes.”
Ethan scrubbed a hand across his face. They could be anywhere. He’d asked the kids to put the shoes they were most likely to wear into the front hall closet. It probably hadn’t been done. At the ages of eight and twelve, the brother-sister duo weren’t good listeners.
“Where did you see them last?”
Oliver furrowed his brow. “On my feet.”
Ethan sighed. “Not helpful.” He rose to his feet and headed for the front hall. They were likely piled up by the front door. He dug around. Sure enough, that’s where they were.
“Oliver … seriously.” He tossed them onto the floor at the foot of the stairs. “Put them on. Your mom is going to be here any second.” He looked up the stairs. “Laura … you coming?”
Laura came thundering down the stairs. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt emblazoned with the latest popular logo, but she had a handful of clothes in one hand.
“What are those for?” Ethan asked.
“I don’t know what to wear.”
“Does it really matter?”
“Dad … this is grade seven.”
One hand went to Laura’s hip, and her voice turned condescending. “I’m not in grade two like Oliver. I’m not a little kid anymore. It matters what I wear.”
Ethan smirked.
Well … she had certainly told him.
Laura had changed so much in the last two years. From a giggly little girl playing with pink ponies to the beginnings of a young woman.
“I think the outfit you’re wearing looks nice.”
Laura sighed and rolled her eyes. “What do you know? You’re a boy. I need Mom.”
“She’ll be here any minute.”
On cue, Joanne knocked on the door. Ethan was glad to swing it open and see her face. She was a beautiful woman. Intelligent—caring. And so good with the kids.
But it hadn’t been enough.
They just weren’t compatible. They had met in their final year of university in Kingston, Ontario, and were married soon after when Joanne announced she was pregnant.
They’d been way too young to launch into a life together. They hadn’t had any idea who they were yet or what they wanted from life.
The divorce was in its fifth year.
They were still good friends.
“Are they ready?” Joanne closed the door behind her. It was a bit cool out. November usually brought cold rain and wind to the west coast of Vancouver Island. They’d been getting off easy.
“Just figuring out the lunch situation. Sandwiches are made.”
Joanne held up the plastic container Ethan had been looking for. “Does this help?”
“Oh … thank God.” Ethan grabbed it from her and finished packing the lunches. By the time he arrived back in the front hall, the kids were ready to go. Passed off for another week.
Kisses and hugs were dolled out to the kids. After they left, Ethan leaned against the closed door. He placed his forehead on it. Tonight, it would be all about Daddy. There wasn’t much happening on a Monday night, but a small theatre/lounge downtown offered reliable entertainment. He’d checked the schedule. This evening: a trio of musicians who took contemporary pop music and turned the songs into heavy rock renditions.
It would either be horrendous or an absolute riot.
Either way, he was going.
Ethan’s first day of work came to an end. He was exhausted. Almost tired enough to keep him in for the night, except he had no choice regarding his plans. He’d told a few people in his new office what he was up to tonight, and they had jumped on board, wanting to join him.
They were a friendly bunch, his immediate coworkers. Everyone had been incredibly helpful in guiding him through the computer systems. Everything was new to him. He’d spent most of his day going over his list of job duties and trying to find the files on his computer associated with those tasks. And how to fill them out. A massive learning curve was an understatement.
He was placing that far behind everything in his mind for the night.
The entertainment venue was in a quaint part of downtown. Lots of original buildings. Brick and stone structures from the 1800s. It was possible that the venue they were going to was only a few years older than that. You had to climb a set of well-worn stairs to get to the stage area.
They found a table halfway back from the action. There were four of them. Two women. One guy. And him. It looked like they were on a double date.
Ethan settled into his seat and ordered a drink when the server came by. He’d taken a cab. He wasn’t too worried about having a few tonight. Anything to relax him.
Waiting for the band to start, he looked around the room. You never knew. He grew up in Victoria. Chances were, he might know someone. One face caught his attention. He had almost passed over him. He looked so different from the last time he’d seen him.
Mature—refined.
His breath caught.
Jacob.
He couldn’t take his eyes off him.
On the last day of term in their first year, he’d let Jacob know he planned to head to Ontario to finish his degree. That he was packed and heading out that afternoon.
The usual cheery light had gone out in Jacob’s eyes. He’d hurt Jacob by not telling him earlier. They’d spent their last night together without Jacob knowing it would be their last.
The guilt of that night had stuck with him.
If he closed his eyes, he could still feel Jacob’s body backed up against his.
Could feel Jacob in his arms.
Ethan took a sip of his drink and shifted his chair so Jacob wouldn’t catch sight of him. He didn’t need to go there tonight. That had been sixteen years ago. So much had changed.
Jacob probably wouldn’t even recognize him.
That theory was proven wrong.
A hand touched his shoulder. “Ethan?”
Ethan almost tilted his head to place his cheek on that hand. To feel its warmth. To have it caress his skin again. He turned in his seat instead. “Oh my god … Jacob?” He rose to his feet and clapped his hand on Jacob’s back. “What a rush. How are you doing? It’s been years.”
Jacob nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a few. How have you been?”
“Busy.” Ethan fake laughed. “Career, marriage, kids. You know. The whole thing.”
“You got married.”
“Straight out of university. Two kids. Crazy times. Didn’t work. We’re divorced now.”
Ethan knew he was babbling, but Jacob was making him nervous. His soft grey eyes studied him. His exquisite lips were poised to speak. Ethan’s heart fluttered. It was a regret … that he had never kissed those lips. “Just moved back here from Ontario,” Ethan prattled on.
Jacob’s eyes brightened. “Oh?”
“Followed the ex-wife. Wanted to be near the kids.”
“Wife.”
Ethan looked toward the table Jacob had been sitting at. There was a guy there who looked a bit perturbed by Jacob’s absence.
He looked back at Jacob, who was staring at the guy. There was a bit of a silent back and forth between them. Then Jacob winked and smiled at his tablemate.
For fuck’s sake.
He was on a date.
Jacob was gay.
“Yes, my wife,” Ethan said finally, his ears burning at the realization he’d been sleeping with a gay guy for all those months. “What did you expect?”
Jacob shrugged. “Don’t know. Wasn’t sure.”
Ethan was very aware that his coworkers were likely half-listening to his conversation with Jacob. The last thing he wanted to do was give away the fact that he’d had an intimate relationship with the man who had approached their table. He needed to get rid of him.
“Well ….” Ethan nodded. “It was nice running into you.”
Jacob sighed and gave him that look he always used to give him when Ethan snuck back out of Jacob’s room. It used to tear at him then … it still did now.
“Was it?” Jacob asked. “Nice?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
What the hell, Jacob?
Ethan lowered his voice to a whisper. “What are you doing?”
Jacob cocked his head to one side. “Trying to determine if you deliberately turned your chair away from me because you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“I didn’t even see you.”
Jacob exhaled. “My date caught you staring at me.”
Okay, fine.
“I wasn’t sure it was you.” Ethan crossed his arms. “You look different.”
“Leaving someone behind for years does that.”
Ethan looked at his coworkers. They were doing their best to covertly listen to the conversation while keeping up a work-oriented discussion.
“Can we take this somewhere else?” Ethan asked.
Jacob shrugged, wandered over to his table, grabbed his coat, leaned down, whispered something in his date’s ear, then headed for the stairs that led down to the outside.
Ethan mumbled that he’d be right back to his co-workers and followed Jacob down the stairs. Once out on the sidewalk, Jacob lit up a cigarette. It caught Ethan by surprise. Jacob hadn’t smoked in university. It made Ethan uncomfortable to think Jacob would taste like cigarettes.
If you what … kissed him?
Jacob leaned against the wall of the building. Ethan joined him and took up the space of the wall beside Jacob. “I’m sorry,” Ethan said and reached for the burning cigarette in Jacob’s hand. Who was he to judge? He was known to have the occasional smoke. Right now, he needed one.
“For what?” Jacob’s fingers lingered on Ethan’s as he handed the cigarette over. They were soft and tentative—but familiar. Those fingers had often been wrapped around his cock.
Ethan brought the cigarette to his lips. The filter was damp from Jacob’s mouth. If he concentrated, he could detect the slight taste of scotch he’d left behind.
“I’m sorry for not telling you earlier that I was leaving.”
Jacob shook his head. “You should have. You have no idea what that did to me.”
“It haunted me … the look on your face.”
Jacob smirked, then took the cigarette back. “Good.”
“Part of me was glad I was moving away. Ending it.”
“Just part of you?”
Ethan looked at Jacob. His profile in the dim light was enticing and so damned comfortable. The emotion filled his gut. “The other part of me never wanted to leave your bed.”
“Fuck, Ethan.” Jacob pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Don’t tell me shit like that. You have no idea. You have no idea how I felt about you.”
Yes, I did.
He knew Jacob had been in love with him. That’s why he had decided to move away. To start fresh. It was too real what was happening between them. It wasn’t the life he saw for himself. What had started as a bit of harmless fun had turned into something serious.
Tonight. He wasn’t sure where he stood. So many emotions were resurfacing. He couldn’t stop himself. He wasn’t done spilling what he was feeling.
“I still dream about holding you,” Ethan said.
The words had seeped up from his soul. Jacob needed to hear them. To know he had never forgotten him and their time together. That what they’d shared had been special to him.
“Fucking hell.” Jacob looked up at the sky, took a draw off the cigarette, then released the smoke into the air. “Why are you telling me this? You don’t get it … I loved you, Ethan.”
“I know.”
Jacob spun and shoved Ethan. “You knew? You fucking knew!” He pitched the half-smoked cigarette to the ground. “And you just left me? Knowing you were breaking my heart?”
“I had to. It was for the best.”
“Best for who? You? Sure as hell wasn’t best for me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that.” Jacob stormed off a short distance down the sidewalk, then came back. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I wanted you to be mine.”
Ethan shook his head. “That wasn’t going to happen.”
“Right.” Jacob raised one hand in the air. “Because you’re straight.”
“And you’re not.”
Jacob lowered his hand. “Never was.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“That I was gay?” Jacob coughed out a laugh. “Yeah, that would’ve gone over well.”
“It would have explained a lot of things.”
“Like what?”
Ethan reached out and held onto Jacob’s arm to keep him still. “Like why you looked at me the way you did.” He stepped in closer to Jacob. “And why you’re still doing it.”
It was still there—the love.
He could see it in Jacob’s eyes. Every argument left Ethan’s mind. He couldn’t fight this any more readily than he could stop his next breath from happening.
Jacob stepped in close, cupped Ethan’s face, and brought their foreheads together. “I never stopped loving you.” His breath whispered across Ethan’s lips.
So close.
This felt so right.
“I know,” Ethan whispered.
He raked his hand into Jacob’s hair and tipped his chin, breaching the chasm. Their lips touched for the very first time. Ethan sank into the depths. It was like warming up in front of the hearth after being out in the rain for years and years. He wouldn’t need his umbrella anymore.
A few people pushed past them to reach the entrance of the venue. Jacob pulled away from Ethan. He clung to Ethan’s coat to keep him close. “My date.”
“He’s not your boyfriend, is he?”
Jacob shook his head. “No. First date. It wasn’t going well.”
“You wink at guys it’s not going well with?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong.” Jacob laughed. “I was still going to take him home.”
Ethan’s chest tightened. The thought of another man’s hands on Jacob heated an element of anger and intense sadness in him. Anger that Jacob had spent the past sixteen years lying with countless men. And the sadness. He couldn’t be sure, but Ethan suspected he had been the first person to ever touch Jacob. There had been an innocence and sweetness about him.
Now that was gone.
“Is that woman in there your date?” Jacob asked.
“No. Just a co-worker.”
“So … nothing happening there.”
Ethan snuck another quick kiss. He savored the feel of Jacob’s lips before prying himself away from them. “Not a damned thing.”
“In that case … I’m cold.” Jacob stepped away from Ethan. “Your place or mine?”
Ethan’s heart tripped and thudded blood straight to his cock. It was a need he hadn’t quenched for a very long time. Sixteen years to be exact. Jacob had been the only man he’d ever slept with.
“I’m in James Bay,” Ethan said.
“I’m in Langford.”
“That decides it. My place is closer.”
“No kids there?”
“Not during the week.”
Jacob wandered back into Ethan’s embrace. “Do we go back inside … make excuses?”
“I’m happy enough texting. Stomach bug.” Ethan played his fingers across Jacob’s bottom lip, then kissed him.
He couldn’t get enough. So much wasted time. He’d been so cold to Jacob back in university as he tried to keep things casual.
On the rare occasion when he didn’t hold Jacob afterward, he often left Jacob’s bedroom feeling sick to his stomach.
The need to hold him and kiss the back of his neck came from deep in his gut. He’d pushed it way down, the emotions.
“I need you to promise me something,” Jacob said after he broke free.
“I’ll do my best.”
Jacob sighed. “Please be gentle with my heart. My love for you is still in there.”
Ethan cupped Jacob’s face and brushed his thumb across his cheek.
“I can’t promise you that.”
Jacob exhaled. “Promise me you’ll try.”
He wasn’t sure what to say. Of course, he didn’t want to hurt Jacob, but he had no idea where this was going between them. It might end tonight. There was only one thing he could promise. “I can promise it’ll be different. What we had in university should have meant so much more.”
“Then I’ll hold onto that.” Jacob took Ethan’s raised hand, still on his cheek, turned his face, and kissed Ethan’s open palm. “Take me home.”
They had to walk a few blocks into a busier area of the city to find a cab. The short ride to Ethan’s house was quiet. It gave them time to send their text messages, to extend their apologies.
They pulled up outside.
The exterior of Ethan’s house was dark. He’d forgotten to turn on the exterior lights. He wasn’t even sure where the switches were to do so. Day four of being in the new house. He wasn’t sure where anything was. He managed to flick on the front hall lights as they made their way inside.
They ditched their coats on the stairs.
“Wow … you really did just move in,” Jacob said. “Or are you just messy?”
Ethan laughed. “Only been here a few days. The kids had their first day at school today. My eldest, my daughter, Laura, was obsessing over her clothes this morning.”
He was doing it again. Rambling on about his life.
His nerves were getting the better of him.
In the full light of the front hall, he could see how gorgeous Jacob had become since he saw him last.
He’d always been attractive. But now—he was breathtaking. Dark blond, short sides and long on top—his hair had a habit of falling forward and covering one eye. Ethan gravitated toward Jacob and stroked the short, bristly hair on his jawline. The overnight growth look suited him.
Jacob swept him up and descended on his mouth. Ethan moaned with each kiss, not fully believing Jacob was there with him. He wrapped his arms around Jacob and gripped and caressed Jacob’s back. The thin, wiry frame from university had been left far behind.
Jacob’s back was broad and muscular.
Each kiss dove deeper.
The world disappeared around them, and Ethan relaxed.
It was just them again.
Jacob hooked his hands under the bottom of Ethan’s shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He tossed Ethan’s shirt at the stair banister.
They were really doing this.
The story continues …
 | A guest post by
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Gorgeous and vivid. Just like I love my fiction.
Picking up an old path after some years is always a little off. Life progresses and carries yo with it. Is the framework still valid? Passion is the winner.